Hi. This is Chi.

I took over Mom’s computer tonight for one reason. I am here to tell you that I hate Facebook.

Mommy sits on the computer all day and night. When she comes home, does she take time to snuggle her pug? NO. She gets on Facebook and talks to other pug people. And she writes about me. ALL THE TIME. Sometimes it’s embarrassing, like the time she pinned my picture to some strange French Bulldog’s wall. My belly was flashed all over the world in a millisecond! What about my puggy privacy!!!! And then there’s the thing that happened yesterday with some trollop named Anderson Pooper. I know the NSA has files on me now. I’m humiliated and I can never leave the house again!

And you know what’s the worst? She will get into fights with people she doesn’t know and will never meet. Mommy, if you want to fight, we can play tug-o-war. I’ll growl real loud and snuffle and spray snot all over you! I can do that real good.

And then there’s the people who are gonna save the world. These people are funny. Mommy likes them too and she wants me to make friends with them. I don’t know, I’m just a pug. I like to lay in the grass and stare at dandelions. I don’t get how that can change the world. Mommy thinks it can, though. That and squirrels. And rabbits. I want to chase them and play games. Mom doesn’t get it.

Oh, GAMES! Those stupid Facebook games! If I see one more Bejeweled Blitz invite on the side of my pug wall, I’ll unsubscribe Mom just to watch her cry. And there’s the trolls. I had one troll on my Facebook page, once. The person apparently didn’t like bacon. How can anyone not like bacon?

Yeah, Mommy loves her Facebook. It is kinda cool though when people get together on Facebook and do nice things. Things like find all the puppies and horses and cats and llamas and stuff spread out from the Black Forest Fire. People got together on Facebook and got puppies like me reunited with their families. I would be pretty happy if Facebook brought me back to my mommy if we got separated.

And sometimes an animal gets into trouble. Sometimes mean people want to hurt animals. And sometimes people on Facebook will give money to rescue animals like me.  Sometimes they take them to the vet, though. That can’t be cool.

Mommy’s coming. I’d better go.


Prompt courtesy of The Daily Post.